My "social profile".

Sigh. I thought I was wised up to facebook and all its wicked ways.

Nope, they always find a way in.

Today, I received an e-mail with the subject heading: "Kasandra, These are your Most Powerful Peers."

Most powerful?! How could I turn down the offer to see a plain, black-and-white list of my most powerful 'friends'?

Well, duh, I opened it. Here's a little mail-snooping for you. Names have been substituted...

Most powerful and trusted friends:

1. loveable, intelligent drama boy from alberta, 59 points (status: player)
2. funky toronto dj, 45 points (status: player)
3. loveable, intelligent drama boy from alberta, 38 points (status: somebody)

4. uh, did we go to summer camp together?, 38 points (status: somebody)
5. loveable christian high-school girl, 38 points (status: somebody)
6. loveable, intelligent drama geek from alberta, 36 points (status: somebody)
7.  stout church boy from alberta, 35 points (status: somebody)
8. 'loveable' church girl future homemaker from alberta, 34 points (status: somebody)
9.  loveable, intelligent drama geek from alberta, 34 points (status: somebody)

10. nice smile, who are you again?, 33 points (status: somebody)

You are at position #85

85?! $%&% it can't be. I'm not even a somebody, at this rate, I don't even think I make the rank of a nobody! 

Apparently to become powerful, I need to keep my mouth shut, smile bigger, have less opinions, go to church, and take more drama classes.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

*warning: ACTUAL, unadulterated written content follows

TIP: Political! power is a pyramid of how many people trust the people that trust you. And the people that trust them - it goes pretty far. This number also means that if you wanted to send a message or thought to the whole world, these are the people who would accept your message as trustworthy, because they have faith in people who have faith in you. Think of it as your influence and reach.

since when does Stephen Covey write the self-help script for Facebook? Last time I checked he stuck to middle-aged, middle-class homemakers with "issues." 

Look Facebook, I love you, you know that. You tell me who's cool and who's not (helllooooo, mini-feed!), but now you're telling me how to make it big in life? 

I'm thinking of the influence and reach in my life and I'm quite frankly disappointed by the overwhelming presence of  you in it.

I guess when an application's named "Compare People" (no, not products, not companies.... PEOPLE—your adorable, virginal, little sister versus my creepy, early 30s, balding boss—it must be morally wrong.) Status is measured in points gained from people's votes.

So, REALLY, when you say someone has "power", it means they win the all-too-popular popularity contest.

And when you're not just "somebody" anymore, you're a true playa.

Guess that makes me a playa....hata.